4th

The summer of 2006 was not the greatest for me. Oliver and I were doing the pre-marriage / pre-green card distance thing, living hundreds of miles apart in separate countries. I was living in Chicago, where I knew almost no one and worked for a man who, to this day, is still the most horrible person I have ever met. It was the kind of work environment where you get to work in the morning and sit in your car for an extra five minutes, trying to will yourself to get up and go into the office.

I visited Oliver up in Toronto that 4th of July weekend. I was just coming off an especially horrid week at work, and when it came time to board the plane back to the States I actually cried. (People see my wedding pictures and ask why I was so thin: 6 months of stress and misery, my friends. Stress and misery.)

I got it together eventually. I dried my tears and turned my despair into anger as the flight progressed. F@$#ing long weekend, coming to an end. F@$#ing holiday. F@$#ing country. F@$#ing everything.

I turn now to my journal entry from that night:

"My flight landed in Chicago a little before 10pm, and this being the 4th of July I saw tiny bursts of fireworks peppering the landscape. Right underneath me, far off into the horizon; everywhere. Celebration! Happiness! Freedom! How much harder could these symbols hit you in the face? The city was alive and vibrant in a way that isn't usually visible from 5,000 feet. I stared blankly out the window, angry with my country and city for making me so aware of the place I was returning to. A part of me also felt this longing to connect with the celebration, this great big, crackling reminder that there is so much to celebrate... but I just couldn't."

I thought back to previous 4ths last night as I watched the fireworks: Running around the Wendy's parking lot with my brother, sipping our frosties and waiting for the big show to start. Hangin' with my high school crew down by the lake, tuned in to the local radio station that played patriotic songs while the fireworks went off. Holding a port-a-potty door closed for a friend on the Mall in DC while the fireworks reached their climax. Mostly though, I thought about 2006, and how I had nashed my teeth as the plane descended. All I had wanted then was for Oliver and I to be together like normal people. And now we are.

When the festivities were over last night, we took the subway home. I tried to convince him that he was drunk because his eyes were bloodshot (he wasn't. Just tired). He talked about how much fun it would be to get a cat. We got back to the apartment and finished the last bits of the carrot apple salad. We watched 15 minutes of Cosmos before falling asleep.

Giving Birth

It was a difficult labor. 3 full days of constant (and I mean constant) pain, preceded by almost a full week of false starts and serious discomfort. It's all behind me now, thank goodness. And I have my little website to show for it.

My baby.

My Multimedia Production class is just now coming to a close, and I look forward to getting my life back. I will turn off the computer and walk away... but may come back for the occasional glimpse at the website I created.

Really, it's nothing spectacular. A professional certainly wouldn't be impressed. Still, it's mine. I've never made something like this before, and it feels nice, like I crossed over into new territory.

Click here to see it

Or, if you don't have the latest version of Flash installed on your computer, please enjoy these screenshots:

Slow but Steady... and Hopefully Continual

Do you like my new banner? It's a little something I've been working on, in an attempt to bring more of two different things into my life:

1. photography
2. website design-ish stuff

I'm going to try and change up the banner photos once in awhile. The current photo is the Mayer Rexall Drugs (Federal!) building in Kenosha, Wisconsin - my hometown. The building reminds me of the lake, and of my brother.

In recent weeks, a list of places I wish I could be has been running through my head. Maine. Martha's Vineyard. Anywhere on the western side of the North Atlantic. Nepal. The Greek Islands. A forest in upstate New York. More than any of these though, home. I haven't seen a summer day in Wisconsin (or a fall or spring day, for that matter) since 2006.

Ah well. Someday.

Such Sweet Sorrow

I've been a-postin' on Craig's List quite a bit lately. Moving from a small to a smaller apartment means getting rid of some things... sigh.

Here is a paragraph where I piss and moan again about what a hassle this all is. How every year I have to do my little contortionist act when we move to a new place: The Amazing Steffkin sets up a kitchen that has zero drawers! Stuffs three hiking backpacks, a sewing machine, and two laundry hampers into the small closet that holds all her clothes! Sits and whines because she knows she'll have to do it all over again in one to three years' time.

And here is the paragraph where I admit to myself that I really don't mind it all. I like keeping things small and simple. My apartment is a sleek, lean jungle cat. A sleek jungle cat that doesn't have the option to spend a Saturday at Target, buying a bunch of unnecessary crap for its apartment. Nice. And hey, maybe in a couple years we'll move to an even smaller apartment, just so I can challenge myself all over again: how much stuff can I fit in a small space and keep it from looking cluttered?

The big things all fit. Both our couches, our dining room table, our bed (though the box spring almost didn't make it). We only had to sell a couple, smaller items. Farewell kitchen cart and extra chair. You'll be missed.




More apartment photos to come...

First Thing in the Morning

In the new apartment, the head of our bed is right up against the window. It's been great so far, since a cool breeze has been coming through it every night. Heavenly. Blankets in the middle of June! On a third floor apartment with no air conditioning! I never would have thought.

As I lay in bed this morning, glorying in those magic, 60 degree puffs of air, a neighbor stepped out into the giant, communal yard space, fired up some sort of power tool, and went to town.

Groan. 7:15? Really? There's no other time for you to do your yardwork? I lay frozen, holding my breath and waiting for Oliver's sensitive ears to drive him out of bed in a fit of sleep-deprived rage. No, not tension first thing in the morning! I can't stand that! That's why I set my alarm clock to "radio". I need peace... soft sounds...

Nearby, in one of the apartments to our right, a screen window slid open. I have done just a bit of editing to the poetry that followed:

"Hey, you trucking jerk! ...

Shut that trucking thing off! ...

It's 7 in the morning and I'm trying to trucking sleep! ...

What the truck is your problem? ...

TURN that TRUCKING thing OFF! ...

Shut it off NOW or I'm gonna call the trucking cops!"


Window screen closes. Silence. Dead silence.

"Is he for real?" I whispered. I didn't dare talk out loud, for fear that our lovely neighbor would punch through the walls and strangle me.

Black and White (and Middle Gray)

I thought I would throw a few photos up here - photos I've taken for my black-and-white photography class. I've got a lot to learn, of course. That much is obvious after a quick glance at my pictures. All the same, I feel proud of my little shots. No mere point and shoots these; I've fumbled around with film speed, shutter speed and aperture for each.

All the photos below were taken within a five minute walk of my apartment. Many are of the arch at Grand Army Plaza, the others on 7th Avenue.

Stacking Up

So... phew. Crazy week. Great week. Things are really, um, stacking up. In good ways.

For starters, last Saturday was Book Expo America, the publishing industry's big trade show. Translation: free books. Scads and scads of them. Hardcover. Autographed if you're willing to wait in line (which I always am). See that picture above? Those are all the books I took home with me. (Did I mention they were free? Hot off the presses? Awesome? Free?) Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal!

Then came Sunday. Moving day. Looong day. But good. We're in Brooklyn now, and tripping over boxes at every step. And walking down the block to fabulous coffee houses, antique stores, vintage clothing stores, pizza places, parks, farmers markets, bars... Seriously. Brooklyn.

Then came Tuesday. The first day of my summer internship. I'm working with metadata at Fancy Pants University (if ever mentioned again, hereafter referred to as FPU). It's a challenge, which is a good thing. And I really like working with those librarians! I really like just about every librarian I've met in the last year, actually. That's a good sign. Maybe I've chosen the right profession.

Then there's the rest. I'm taking a summer Rutgers course in web design, which is condensed from the usual 14 weeks down to 6. That means twice as much work per week. Oh, and did I mention that I signed up for a photography class in Manhattan? And that I'm training for a 4-mile run in July?

So I'm a little busy. But it's a good kind of busy - days jam packed with things I'm really excited about.