I noticed something last week. I was at a funeral, and it was a big-moment-in-your life funeral. It was much more Oliver's big moment in life than mine, but still. Still a big deal. German funerals have a slightly different protocol than American ones, and I got the rundown just before the service. Approach. Men drop down a handful of dirt, women toss in a handful of flowers. When it was our turn to go up, I approached, flowers in hand, and didn't see any flowers in the burial pit. Okay, I was only the second woman to go forward... had I misunderstood? Had the previous woman misunderstood? Was I supposed to drop these flowers or not?
"Oliver," I whispered. "What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to hold on to these flowers?" His mind on other things, Oliver didn't answer right away.
"Flowers?" I asked in a whisper, feeling strangely frantic. How long could I stand here before people started to get annoyed? Was I doing this wrong? Was I taking away from someone else's moment of reflection?
"Do I drop them in?"
* * *
Something similar happened at our wedding. When it came time to do the rings on fingers bit, Oliver put on my ring upside down. There, in another one of those big moments in your life, I was totally distracted. "Wait, it's upside down... no no, never mind. We can just leave it like this."
Do we all do this? Were these two moments in my life just a coincidence? Was I glad, both times, to pull away from the enormity of the moment and focus on something different?
