Liv

I woke up at 12:45. 45 minutes into Wednesday and 11 hours before my scheduled c section. Was that..? No. NO. No way. Not happening. I rested quietly, hoping the contraction I had just felt was a one off. I'd been feeling them all week. This was probably just another strong practice contraction.

About 15 minutes later I felt another one. And then about 15 minutes after that one. Then a fourth. I was not prepared for labor. My assumption had been orderly, planned c section. Instead, this seemed like it was going to be messy, unpredictable, frightening labor.

Messy, unpredictable, and frightening ended up being the best things I could have imagined. Liv was born at 9:27 that morning, 90 minutes before our surgery would have started.

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We named her Liv. A simple, elegant name. One that had two subtle, special characteristics. First, like Nils, Liv plays with the letters from Oliver's and my names. More specifically: you can spell Nils with the letters from our names, but you can't spell it without Allison. With Liv, you need Oliver. The Allison is optional. It's a silly little thing, but I like it. We are a family of letters and words, after all. I've always lived my life through words - sucking in the world through books and spitting it back out in writing. Oliver lives his life in a second language. Words are our thing.

Second: I love the fact that her name, as we pronounce it, is a tiny bit of coded instruction for her. If there comes a day that I am not here for her, she will nonetheless know exactly the advice I would give. Live. Don't make the safe, easy choices if they will keep you from being the best version of yourself. Don't waste your time with insecurity or negativity. Bloom where you're planted. Live boldly and kindly, and listen to your inner voice.