What should they see

Sometimes I miss doing nonprofit work. I miss doing good deeds for a living. I miss feeling like what I am doing matters.

Sometimes I wish I was home with the kiddos every day. They're so small and there is no one else who can give them what I can give them right now.

Every day. Every day I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

I am one of those wickedly lucky people who can let happiness guide them through this uncertainty. Am I happy right now? (Yes, I am.) Then I should stay on this path. Simple.

But happiness... is that the right way to look at this? Sometimes, as I drift off to sleep at night and all the day's chaos finally fades to silence I ask myself: this life I'm living, is it the life I would want for Nils and Liv? The answer is always no.

I want them to join the good fight!  I want something to be important to each of them. I want them to chase it, and to do something good with it.

I should be leading by example, shouldn't I. That's the only way this parenting thing works, right? And more than anything - more than eating right, avoiding gossip, respecting the outdoors - I want them to do something to change the world. Big or small, it doesn't matter. So, uh, is that what I should be doing?

Shouldn't they at least see me try?