3 weeks

   
"What was the hardest part of going from one child to two?" I asked the friend of a friend today. The three of us were at a playground, stealing bits of conversation while our boys ran in circles around us.

"Time management," her simple answer.

I'm nervous. Excited of course, but nervous. I've only got about 3 weeks before this baby arrives, and YIKES is that not a lot of time. 3 weeks? There's just no way... right? Especially since I have to jump through a wall of fire before this is all done. Jumping through a wall of fire takes time. 3 weeks doesn't cover it.

I'm not nervous about having a newborn again. Eat, sleep, cry, poop. Simple. I'm not especially nervous about the post-partum difficulties that may await me. It was difficult last time, but it was short term. I can handle short term.

What I'm really nervous about is time. Will I lose it all? Will I have enough for each child? Will I have any for Oliver? Will I get to keep any for myself? I've gotten to a pretty good place, time wise, with my one child. Days are full-to-hectic and some things slip through the cracks, but overall I feel like I've got a handle on it. I'm able to keep my house in order, able to pursue my interests in a limited fashion, and I can pause for breath when I need to. Are these days numbered?

I picture frustration. I see myself constantly tending to immediate needs: Who pooped? Change of clothes? Too much laundry piling up! Shoot, it's lunch time. Let's get some food made. Gotta clean up the kitchen. Nils, I'll help you with the puzzle in a minute; let me just load the dishwasher first. Sweetie, don't whine. You need to be patient. Why is the baby crying? Is she hungry? Better sit down and feed her. Nils, we forgot to wash your hands after lunch! Let me just finish feeding your sister. How soon until everything else piles up and I cry the bitter tears of a woman who can no longer live an orderly life?

Deep breath.

I keep reminding myself of something a good friend said shortly after she had her second baby. Yes, it was more work, she said, but she was just so happy that both her children were now here with her. What a great way to look at it. In a mere 3 weeks I will have both my children here with me. That's so much better than a tidy home and a stack of answered emails.