14 Paper Clips

 The first item of clothing to go. Farewell, fitted waistlines.

I am blessed, and I know that. The first trimester of my pregnancy has been easy. The nausea has been limited, and limited to just that: nausea. The only foods I have actively not wanted to eat, sweets and Mexican food, are hardly depriving the little one of valuable nutrients. I've been tired often and a little uncomfortable now and then, but if those are my biggest complaints, well, see sentence # 1.

Overall, it has been a very positive experience so far. I really like being pregnant. I feel fuller, more meaningful. I live a small life, and I can't help but think that creating this baby - and any others that follow it - is probably the most noble thing I will ever do. I feel powerful.

I also feel anxious. I look at my flaws and weaknesses and hate the thought of passing those on to my child, or seeing them affect my child's quality of life. I worry that something will go wrong in the next months, that the brain will stop forming or the umbilical cord will get wrapped around something it shouldn't be wrapped around. And six months? Only six months left to prepare? That seems really close, and a mere four weekends from now it will be five months.

Luckily (again, I'm blessed), my excitement and faith that everything will turn out fine generally win out over the anxieties. The baby is 8 centimeters long already! It weighs around 14 grams (paperclips)! I have heard its heartbeat, and seen it move its arms. This is good.